Sunday, August 29, 2010

new week and plans for my 2 weeks holidays in a weeks time!

well hello ppls!!

it's a monday and that means it is the start of the new week, off to a good start, not so much...stayed up late, slept in through my alarm and got showered just in time for a maintenance guy to arrive from real estate...been trying to catch up with computer stuffs, and now thought i'll start my blog before lunch and finish it after lunch...mmmm lunch...opps, anyways, last two weeks has been so full of big ups and big lows, that i'm hoping that this week is an average week full of average work and average everything!!  get to pay more bills, get to work another 40 hrs, get to do more normal run of the mill chores around the house, u know the stuff that needs to get done or you live in a dump...but also this week is the planning of my ultimate to do list "things that get done on my holidays" and first thing on that list is no work!!!! woot!!  overdue for a me time and this is it...
my plans are including:

  • RE-VAMP THE 'OFFICE'  including a new office desk, a visit to office works for hopefully not expensive organising items for office
  • AND ACTUALLY FINISH MY HOLIDAYS ON A HIGH!  FEELING ACCOMPLISHED AND READY TO START MY 12 WEEK BODY TRANSFORMATION!! (which has the start date of 20th of sept, and will b posting hopefullly daily blogs which will include in big part my ups and downs of the course!!!
my goal is by christmas, to feel better about myself, to feel better about my appearance, to take pride in who i am regardless of what people think, and to take control of my life as thats the end line...at the end of the day the only thing i can control is me and who i am...and i plan on doing that well!!!   

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I had a DREAM!!!

howdy peeps...

well only a few people know i'm shredding old personal info and re-filing new or relevent personal info and in going through some of my old files i found a photocopy of something from school...something that means more to a particular generation and race of people than to many but it struck a chord with me and i thought i'd type it out on here....many of you may recognise it but you may have only heard the 'key sound bite' words...but take aside a few of the race specific terms and information it should be a good guide to a great way to live well...sure i know it relates to a particular campaign etc...but read it through...it never fails to stir up something inside of me ... in a kind of way to which in the core of every human being there is the difference between right and wrong...etc...and in my opinion this was a man who no matter what the cost (coincidently was his untimely death) he was prepared to stand for what he truely believed in...to speak so passionatly on a subject he valued so dearly!  in that particular day and age ... he was different.!!  he was a visionary!! but most of all he was a passionate person and he STOOD FOR WHAT HE BELIEVED IN! no matter the cost!!

Martin Luther King: 'i have a dream'

(the following speech was delivered by the african-american civil rights leader Martin Luther King in 1963. The civil rights movement was a campaign for equal rights for african -americans.  As part of this camgaign there was a massive demonstration of 210 000 people in washing DC which King addressed.)

Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.  We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.  We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence.  Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.  The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realise that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.  We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead.  We cannot turn back.  There are those who  are asking the devotees of civil rights, 'when will you be satisfied?' we can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality.  We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities.  We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one.  We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New Yourk believes he has nothing for which to vote.  No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations.  Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells.  some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you so battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality.  You have been the veterans of creative suffering.  Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to the South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.  Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment i still ahve a dream.  It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

i have a dream that oneday this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truthes to be self-evident; that all men are created equal.'  I have a dream what one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose govenor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plains, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope.  This is the faith with which i return to the South.

With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.  With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.  With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning

'My country, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty
Of thee i sing:
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountainside
Let freedom ring'.

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true.  so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.  Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.  let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!  But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone  Mountain of Georgia.  Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.  From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, 'Free at last! free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last!'

Monday, August 23, 2010

the start of my blogging life!

well hi...its me...nikki, for some reason i thought i'd start a blog...i've made a few personal 'ah ha' moments in last 8 months and alot of it is a combination of my work and personal life that brought these on...

in 2 weeks time at this point in time i will be getting 3 new tattoos done, and each tattoo i have ever had has either brought on questions-why why why...or judgement - if i get more tattoos i'll look like a biker chick...without the people even bothering to ask if they will be bold or light or even asking what they will  be...u know what...wait and see if u don't want to ask and then decide if u like it or not...or biker chick or not...and if u don't like it...ur entitled to your opinion but if u can't say anything nice don't say anything at all...or if u must say something keep it small and simple if u don't like it...ur feedback is appreciated but not always needed

like always work has it's ups and downs but due to our 'no blogging' policy it's 'off limits' though i can say that there have been many a times that i've craved focus pads and boxing gloves if only i had someone to help me with the focus pads at the time...but i'm also queen of being a sponge...absorbing all that i see and hear and using that information wisely...plus the fact that i am deciding to channel that inner frustrations into turning me into a better person from the inside out...

i've learnt that many people have an inner beauty as well as an outer beauty ...BUT that is not always the case...quite often that outer beauty is more apparent than the inner ugliness or the not so 'model material' outer appearence...like me and many other average lookers or less than average lookers that are out there...their inner beauty is much more appealing

(disclamer -  when i refer to my bf it IS NOT my 'boyfriend' i am happily married and my BF is a reference to 'best friend' BF-M  is my male best friend and BF-F is my female best friend...i'd rather use that than their names out of respect for them)

i have known bf-m for 3 or 4 years but been in better contact for last 8 months or so and he lives overseas and i have known bf-f since mid last year and she lives interstate now
these are the people i have come to rely quite alot now...my social group in the city i live in is VERY small...less than a dozen people and probably most of which i don't often see as much as i'd like...but apart from 1 friend who visits on a weekly basis for drinks with hubby i now know that i can at least be appreciated for who i am by at least 4 or 5 people in life all of which mean the world to me...their support for me being me is 90% of the time the only thing that keeps me going in life...even when i feel so down that loneliness is  all i feel ... guarenteed one of the 4-5 people will say or do something that will stop the tears or make me smile...something as small as a kiss from hubby or talking about sparkles the wonder vamp with BF-m or twilight theme'd tattoo's with BF-F or a txt conversation with teacher friend or a silly weekend night with hubby and my friend. or even the unexpected 'hope ur ok' kind of msg from random fb friend just mean the world to me...especially the 'shoutout' msg from 1 usa friend and his friend...no idea why they did it or how it came to be but to wake up feeling like hell with the flu to see that sent via twitter just literally made my day much more live-able...

while growing up i was the keeper of many a personal diary...one i would often write in daily to log my thoughs on my latest crush or my first boyfriend or how my parents just didn't understand teenage me kinda junk...with the exception for the 'blogging policy' work has, and this being a 'blog' ... work may be frequently brought up but moreso in the way of good day bad day kind of deal...but the details will be not for hear...but this is the new technological very overdue way for me to get my thoughts and feelings and just me being random me onto 'paper' kind of thing...just with the keyboard and screen kind of affect...

i will not appologise if i say things that may offend as this is my uncensored (exception of work) me...but i do appreciate any comments throughout my blogs and will answer any questions public or private depending on circumstances...but welcome to ME!!